And make no mistake, that
war is lost. First there were civil
unions. Then there were state supreme
court decisions. Then there were
democratically elected state legislatures (such as New
York and Washington). Last year the Obama administration announced it would not
defend DOMA (the Defense of Marriage Act, the Clinton era law preventing the federal
government from recognizing same-sex marriages). Now federal
courts are striking down key provisions of DOMA. It looks like some states, such as Maryland,
are about to legalize gay marriage by popular referendum. Sure, there are states which will never
accept it (North
Carolina comes to mind), but that won’t matter if the US Supreme Court
rules that marriage is a civil right that cannot constitutionally be confined
to heterosexuals.
And this is a big loss.
It might just be the last big loss for cultural conservatives, only
because they have little left to lose.
Since the days of Bill Buckley’s exhortation to intransigence,
conservatives have resisted racial inclusion, gender equality, drug usage, secularization,
and the entire sexual revolution, including the acceptance of contraception,
pornography, experimentation, abortion, homosexuality, and blatant sexual expression
in the popular media. How many of those
battles have conservatives won? Drug use
may be the only one. (And thank God they
did win that one, though not without some terrible repercussions; for example, the
war on drugs remains blindingly irrational.)
A generation from now, the vast majority of Americans will think about
gay marriage the way we now think about inter-racial marriage. That is, we won’t understand why anyone
was ever against it. (Presumably, though,
even then some small stubborn conservative contingent will still be struggling
to reverse it.)
Why do conservatives keep losing? What is it about the cultural evolutions
mentioned above that have proven so irresistible to standing athwart? What do those developments have in common?
Some commentators sense the unifying theme: Andrew
Sullivan explicitly draws out the connection between acceptance of
homosexuality and acceptance of recreational marijuana use; Rod
Dreher sees parallels, as well. Daniel
McCarthy casts his net much wider, claiming that these recent developments
are “a consequence of a shift in the foundations of Western civilization that
has been taking place over centuries—a shift from Christian to liberal
foundations.” Could any conservative
disagree? That is, all the cultural
developments listed above are about individuals defining their own meaning and
controlling their own lives. They’re
about liberating individuals from cultural constraint. In the good old conservative days, each
person was expected to fulfill well-defined social roles – father, employee,
countryman – each with powers and duties that could not be ignored or
questioned. And each role fit neatly
into its spot in the social hierarchy.
That is, each role dictated who owed deference to whom: women to men,
children to parents, non-whites to whites, etc.
And it was the job of social institutions – family, church, community –
to define and enforce those roles and that hierarchy. But individuals and groups that were
exploited or oppressed by that hierarchy began to rebel against it; first
blacks, then women, then gays, and so on.
That’s the problem: and so on. The engine of individual liberation, once set
in motion, is exceedingly hard to stop.
In 1955, the notion that black Americans could control their own lives,
unconstrained by white supremacy, was radical.
But once you accept it, how can you demand women stay in their
place? What about other races? What about gays? What about the sexual impulses of white
suburban kids, previously constrained by Puritan repressiveness, but now urged
to liberation by the irresistible physicality of rock-n-roll? The cultural scolds of the 1950’s were right:
Elvis’ dancing was revolutionary!
And, as Noah Berlatsky nicely
explains, present-day conservatives are just as right when they claim that
allowing gays into the institution of marriage fundamentally changes that
institution. More precisely, it caps marriage’s
evolution into an instrument of personal development, all as part of the
liberal cultural movement described above.
Conservatives are dead right when they stress the centrality of marriage
as a social institution. They know that
when marriage has completely succumbed to the philosophy of personal liberation
they will have lost one of their most important battles. But once again, they’re fighting a battle
already lost. The meaning of marriage
has been changing for a very long time, and the changes started long before anyone
considered that gays might marry each other.
(Conservative historian Garry Wills explains
that marriage was not even a Catholic sacrament until the 12th
century!) Stephanie Coontz provides an
excellent summary
of the fundamental changes in the understanding of marriage over the last
couple of centuries. “For millennia,
marriage was about property and power rather than mutual attraction. It was a
way of forging political alliances, sealing business deals, and expanding the family
labor force. For many people, marriage was an unavoidable duty.” But then it became permissible to marry for
love. Then the need for parental
approval was dropped. In the 60’s the
Supreme Court struck down state bans on contraception within marriage and on interracial
marriage. And, most relevant to our
discussion, in the 60’s and 70’s marriage lost its patriarchal strictures and became
thoroughly liberalized. Coontz writes, “The
collapse of rigid gender expectations and norms has fostered the expectation
that marriage should be an individually negotiated relationship between equals,
replacing the older notion of marriage as a prefabricated institution where
traditional roles and rules must be obeyed.”
Marriage is no longer about the political or economic merging of
families. It is no longer even primarily
about fostering the proper setting for child-rearing. The arrival of no-fault divorce in the 1960’s
made legally explicit the notion that marriage is about individual choice and
individual happiness. Contemplating this
history makes clear that the conservative fight against gay marriage is essentially
symbolic. Liberal individualism has already changed marriage immeasurably;
allowing gays to marry merely completes that change and makes it undeniable.
But marriage is a special case; it’s different from the
other cultural developments listed above: it is not a merely an individual
choice. The point of marriage is to employ
the weight of society to buttress a personal relationship, for social and
individual good. It used to be that there
were three parties to marriage: the bride, the groom and the rest of society. (Check out Roderick Long’s excellent
depiction of the understanding of marriage in 19th century America; it showcases
wonderful historical expressions of the view that society has much to say about
the particulars of individual marriages.)
And as a social institution with a pragmatic social purpose, its particulars
could be defined collectively through the democratic legislative process. But it’s not just that the purpose of marriage
has changed from economics and child-rearing to personal fulfillment. That change effects a much more radical transformation:
marriage is no longer a social
institution. If it’s just about
personal fulfillment then it’s simply a contract between individuals. Society is no longer a party. Society no longer has any justifiable claim
upon marriage or one’s duties as a spouse and parent. I decide if I marry or divorce in the same
way that I decide if I eat chocolate or vanilla. And my spouse and I define our roles within
our marriage. No one has any right to
tell me what to do. And it follows
inexorably that neither can anyone tell a gay person whom to marry. The triumph of liberal individualism simply and
starkly prohibits society from constraining personal choices. And it makes marriage into merely another
such choice. For good or ill – actually,
for good and ill – all social
relations are now choices.
But consider the question: Could conservatives have allowed gays
to marry each other while maintaining the general framework of well-defined,
hierarchical social roles? Could there
have been room for gays in the old conservative vision of marriage? Theoretically, yes; but realistically, no freakin way! You’d have to put aside the fact that acceptance
of gays and gay marriage came much later than the transformation of
heterosexual marriage, and put aside
the tenacious Old Testament revulsion of homosexuality (and of sexual
expression in general), and put aside
centuries of irrational prejudice and oppression. Even putting aside all those stumbling blocks
you’d still be stopped short by the deepest of conservative fears: the fear of
mixing categories and blurring boundaries. Hierarchies demand discreet roles. Men must be men and women must be women. The God of Genesis made each animal distinct
and separate; one never gives rise to another.
If a man marries a man it confuses those separate categories, it blurs
the distinctions between the sexes. To conservatives,
gay marriage is a moral monstrosity, like the miscegenated giants of Genesis 6,
born of the daughters of men, fathered by the sons of God. And hierarchies, particularly ones based on
social categories like gender, race or sexual orientation, cannot help but
oppress. The logic of conservatism seems
to require a subject class. It’s no
longer acceptable to advocate subordinate status for non-whites or women. Once gays are safely on that no-oppression list,
conservatives may have no one left to bully.
(Thank God for Muslims!)
Liberalism taught subject classes that their subjection was
unjust. The rest is merely the inevitability
of that idea. But there’s more: there’s
conservative complicity in the overthrow of their own worldview. Conservatives hold that freedom and equality
are enemies, that more of one means less of the other, but the broader debate
surrounding gay marriage nicely demonstrates how closely bound freedom and
equality can be. As we’ve seen, the goal
of the liberal cultural project is the complete liberation of the individual
from cultural constraint. But this
dauntingly vacant freedom implies an equally daunting and radical
egalitarianism. For each person to be
free no one can claim power over another.
No person or institution has any justified authority over anyone’s
meaning, goals or standards. Thus, as
conservatives have argued for almost perfect freedom in economic affairs –
sounding like anarchists – they have inadvertently undercut their own arguments
about cultural and moral truth. But not
just in the obvious way that conservative embrace of market freedom contradicts
their defense of cultural control. When
they argue for freedom they unknowingly argue for equality as well, and that
equality is a dagger aimed at the heart of cultural authority. Modern conservatives thought they could be
cafeteria liberals, simultaneously champions of freedom and warriors against
equality. But they were wrong: hierarchy
and freedom are as much enemies as allies.
When gay marriage becomes widely accepted, it will have
become so through liberal process and in liberal form. It will be seen as the culmination of the
liberal cultural revolution whereby all social institutions have been relieved
of their authority to shape individual judgments. It will not
be an accommodation of gays into the conservative notion of marriage, though
some conservatives – most notably Andrew Sullivan
– have long urged such accommodation. Sixty
years ago, American social conservatism was about hierarchy composed of well-defined
social roles that themselves expressed received moral truth. But all the standing athwart in the world
could not withstand the righteous power of those demanding liberation from that
hierarchy. Rhetorically at least,
conservatives have repudiated that old-fashioned hierarchy; now all they have
left are the well-defined social roles and the received moral truth. But those roles and that truth are quickly
succumbing as well. And it could not have been otherwise. As an important conservative theorist once
said, ideas
have consequences. More to the
point, they have momentum. Conservatives,
being conservatives, waited too long to lose the hierarchy. They defended it so long that the notions of well-defined
roles and moral truth have become conflated in the public mind with that
hierarchy, and they have all been rejected as a whole. Thus the new non-hierarchical conservatism is
punished for the injustices of its hierarchical progenitor. The sins of the fathers are visited upon the
sons. By forcing impulses of liberation
into liberal channels, conservative resistance against social developments like
gay marriage has only added to the triumph of the new individualism. What started as emancipation from arbitrary
and unjust power became emancipation from every possible external
constraint. In the new liberal vision,
persons are not the roles they play, but unique, growing, complicated,
uncertain creatures; each one a project, a growing, an ongoing liberation. Modern freedom is self-actualization defended
with relativism. My life is entirely mine
and entirely not yours. Granted,
conservatives have much to say against that disposition and they are furiously standing
athwart it and yelling stop. The history
of the last 60 years promises that there will indeed be much yelling, but no stopping.